


You gave me everything

by Maria1980



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: F/M, Love, Retirement, Support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:08:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24024097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maria1980/pseuds/Maria1980
Summary: Hello all. I was going to take a break from writing, but my brain says otherwise, so here I am again. I woke up in the middle of the night and this idea occurred in my head. Very short this time. I just want to show Carson's vulnerable side, after he stepped down from his position as a butler. He really must have felt left out. Who can help him in this difficult moment? Only one person and that's of course our Elsie. One-shot. Hope you will like it.Legal note: Either Charles or Elsie belong to me. (I just borrow them frequently).
Relationships: Charles Carson/Elsie Hughes
Kudos: 2





	You gave me everything

Elsie knew. Elsie felt his pain. So clearly as if it was her own. Whenever he was hurting, she was hurting with him. She watched his struggle from the beginning. Those first moments when she observed his palsy and his clumsy efforts to hide away the truth from her. Those first, few times when she tried to talk to him about it and he was changing the subject. Finally this conversation when he admitted that he was not well and he confessed the awful truth, about a condition that has been in his family for generations. She was with him all the time. Trying to be supportive, as much as she could, which was not easy, as he pushed her away and away. Trying to deny the truth. She knew him so well. He would rather die, then let anybody down. Let alone to let down this family. The Crawleys. People who he once considered as his own family.   
She knew how tormented he was, how much pain it caused in him to admit the truth. First to himself and then to the others. When he spilled the wine few times, in the presence of the family, he finally came to the decision, that it was time to stepped down. To retire. To end his lifetime service as a butler of one of the finest houses in the country. Elsie sensed his sadness, his despair. His helplessness. She wanted to help him, to support him, to be with him. Just like the wife should. But he wasn't the kind of man who would let her reach out to him. Who would permit to step into the world of his suffering. He kept his distance. He kept his famous, British stiff upper lip. Not letting anyone inside to his tormented heart and mind. Until tonight. Tonight, after the wedding and New Year's celebrations, when he ultimately decided to retire, he was no longer able to pretend that everything was all right.  
Elsie saw it. She saw it in him clearly. As soon as they left the Abbey, to come back home, everything about him changed. Visibly. His posture. He was no longer straighten up butler. Standing in attention, always ready to take orders from the family. His shoulders went down. His head was low. The strictness of his face was gone. He didn't say a word about that, but Elsie felt his pain. When they arrived to the cottage, he went straight upstairs and she stayed downstairs, understanding that he needed a moment to himself. A moment without witnesses. Who else could known, better than she did, how much his position meant to him all those years? He was completely devoted to this life. To the service. To fulfilling needs of his employers. It was the essence of Charles Carson and Elsie who knew him and observed him for so many years, was fully aware of that.   
The new life which was ahead of him, didn't evoke his happiness. Even though they were together, even though they were happy. He had to deal with an enormous loss now and she was the only one who could help him do that.  
She gave him a certain amount of time, letting him go back to the balance and then she came upstairs. He sat at the wide window still, with no light and looked ahead of him, gazing into the darkness of the night. He loosened his collar, unbutton his shirt a bit. His hair were a little messy. His head was down, his shoulders were low. He put both of his hands on his knees and she saw that one of those hands was shaking a little-probably as the result of the great stress that he went trough today. But the thing that cut Elsie's heart in two, was the tears who were running down his face, as he sat there. Lonely. Heartbroken. Devastated. The most important chapter of his life has just ended and he had no idea how to go on.  
Elsie neared him quietly and she sat next to him. She knew that it was not a time for words yet. It was time to help him cope with his grief. And so she did. She put her hand on his-the one that was shaking and she stroked him delicately. Soothing, calming motions. When she saw that it wasn't working as she would want it, she took his large hand in hers and she applied it to her face. His hand was so cold, it was always like that when he was nervous. She looked him in the eyes, with the look of love and she kissed the pad of each of his fingers. One by one. Pouring all her love to each of those kisses. Then she placed soothing kisses to the inside if his palm and then to the outside. With each of those kisses, she felt like his hand was getting warmer and warmer and the tension that was in him, was slowly passing.  
When the shaking stopped, she neared her face to his and her lips traced his tears. She kissed away those who were still there and wiped the ones that were still hanging on the corner of his eyes.  
To steady him more, Elsie showered the rest of his face with small, soft kisses, full of love. Each of them replaced the words. Each of them expressed her devotion to him. Her lips seemed to be saying-”I love you, you are my heart, you are my world, I will not let you go through this alone.”  
He closed his eyes and surrender to this quiet proofs of her love for him. He sighed, when her soft, warm lips touched his forehead, his cheeks, his nose. He didn't open his eyes, when her lips landed on his, caressing him, as gentle as she only knew how. He returned her kisses, moving slowly and sensually on her lips. It wasn't a long kiss, it wasn't a passionate ones. It was one of the softest and most loving kisses, that they've exchanged so far.  
When they parted, he followed his instincts and he did what he wanted to do the most at this moment. He put his head on her breasts, his arms wrapped around her waist, whilst she wrapped hers around his neck. He nestled into her, like a child seeking for comfort and she gave him that comfort.   
With one hand, she ran her slim fingers through his silver hair, with the other, she caressed the base of his neck tenderly. Her lips placed a tiny kisses into his hair and he clung into her completely. She rocked him in her arms and he no longer felt weak or abandoned. He felt like he went home, because he was in the loving arms of his wife. There was no other place that he would want to be right now. She didn't say a word, but he knew that she did not despise him, she did not think him weak. He sensed that she loved him and accepted him totally, even in the state that he was now. He didn't show such a vulnerability to her ever since they got married. He thought that if any of them could show vulnerability it would be her. Never him. She was a woman. She could let herself be vulnerable and his job was to protect her. But not tonight. Tonight the roles were reversed and she was the one who protected him and there was nothing bad about it.  
It was difficult to tell how long they were sitting there, together. United. In darkness and in silence.  
Finally, it was Charles, who broke the silence. He lifted his head up, looked into his wife's beautiful eyes and whispered:

“Thank you Elsie...”

“For what Charlie?”

“For everything. For being with me. For supporting me. For loving me...In spite of who I become now..”

“And who have you become now?”

“Nobody. Until tonight, I was the butler of Downton Abbey. My position was solid and strong. I knew who I was. Everyone knew who I was. Now, I'm just a silly old, fool who has absolutely nothing to do with his life. Who will watch his wife getting up every morning to go to work, while I will have nothing to do...I've become...”

“I want you to listen to me very carefully now Charles. I will tell you who you are, so you won't ever have any doubts about that at all...You are a retired butler, of one of the greatest houses in England. A man who spent his entire life in service, making almost no mistakes, no errors. The man who was a lynchpin for the Abbey. Tha man who served the family for few generations. Even His Lordship grandchildren will tell their children the story about the most amazing butler, who has served in this house. There isn't anybody that could tell one bad word about you Charles..”

“But Elsie..I..”

“Shhh....I'm not finished yet....This is who you were, for the most part of your life. Now, there has been a change and for the second part of your life, you are and still will be, the most wonderful husband that I could have ever imagined....The man who gave everything to the ageing housekeeper, who didn't have any hopes for her future. Who thought that she will be forced to work till her last breath, living in somebody else's house. With no money, no family and no love... You gave all those things to me... You put roof over my head, a food on my table, you even accepted the fact that you've married a woman who can't make a proper use of this food and you don't mind that anymore. You were willing to pay for Becky's care. so I wouldn't have to work anymore. Most of all-you gave me your love...And that was something that I've been dreaming about for many years. Something I waited for impatiently... Something I was fighting about so long...Without you my life would be nothing...You gave me everything Charles..Everything...Is it still not enough for you?...”-Elsie felt that tears gathered in her eyes, while she spoke and she looked at Charles, whose eyes were also glistened...

“It's more than enough Elsie...My love...I can't even imagine what my life would look like without you...You know that I'm not very good in words and confessions, but you do know that you gave me everything too....You loved the old curmudgeon, who always thought that he is not worth to be loved. You created a home for me... Our, own home, where we are so happy...Without you, I would be a sad, old fool, who everyone would avoid. I never dreamed that I could get so much love from anyone, as I have from you. I'm sorry that you had to face this moment of my weakness..”

“You never have to apologize for your weakness Charles...I'm your wife. Your weaknesses are mine. Your troubles too. For better and for worse...Always together. In everything. Forever...”

“Forever Elsie..In everything. And you are my everything..”

**Author's Note:**

> So that's all for this one. I know, I know...I'm an old softie and this is often reflected in my stories. Can't help it...It is how it is...Anyway, I just realized that it's my twentieth Chelsie story, so I congratulate myself. Bravo me ;-) Incredible. Sorry for any mistakes and if you liked it, you know what to do.


End file.
